Evil Coffee Holiday Specials
by Kiriska
Summary: Duo. Evil Coffee. Holidays. Absolute and continuous insanity! T rating is solely for language.
1. Christmas Edition

Chibi Fique: YAAAAAAYYYYYYY!!  
Chibi Sikeeh: Wow...another GW fic...finally....So its late for Xmas...  
  
  
Evil Coffee; Christmas Edition  
  
  
"Oh c'mon Duo, go to bed!" Quatre insisted; "And stop drinking that coffee! Its not good for you!" Duo glared at his friend and lugged down another cup of coffee; "I'm waiting for Santa." he said in a semi-drunk tone. "Is that what you're doing? Aren'tchu a little too old to believe in--" "I'm waiting for Santa!!" the braided American shouted. "Ok, ok, just, don't drink too much coffee alright?" Quatre went back into his room.  
  
The GW-boys were spending Christmas Eve at Quatre's Mansion. For the following reasons; Heero forgot to pay the rent and was kicked out of his apartment, Trowa got lost and the Circus left him, Wufei's house was 'accidentally' burnt down by Duo last week. And Duo's shack had been frozen over by the cold weather. The the Christmas tree sparked brightly in the dark room, presents piled all around it. Stockings were hung and eggnog drunken, and now only Duo remained in the living room with a can of coffee and high hopes.  
  
The TV was still on, but the volume turned down so it was almost inaudiable. Duo was watching some Christmas Special of some show, he wasn't paying attention, mostly looking out the window and watching the falling snow. After a few minutes his eyes started to feel heavy. He poured another cup of coffee and drained it. A few more minutes...another cup. The can was empty. No more coffee. Duo fell into a state of semi-sleep. All was still. All was quiet. Silent Night.  
  
The snow piled outside. Inches after inches. Majestic looking. Holy Night. The whole mansion was silent, for the soft hum of the television and snoring from Wufei's room. All is Calm. A few stars twinkled through the holes in the clouds. All is Bright. I don't know the rest of the song so.....Abruptly, Duo sprang up straight in his seat, goofy grin on his face.   
  
He grabbed the remote, stuffed in some KoRn CD and turned the TV to full volume, with surround sound. There was a pause for almost 5 whole seconds before: "MAAAAAAAAAAAXXXXXXXXXXXWWWWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!"   
"Holy SHIT! My ears are bleeding!!!"  
"Goddamnit! DUO!"  
"Zzzzzzzzz"  
"Damnit, Quatre get up."  
"Sorry."  
  
Duo was dancing on the counter with a lamp shade on his head and singing; "Hallehujah" The rolls of wrapping paper that were on the counter flew everwhere. Wufei arrived at the scene first, in Ninja Turtles PJ's. Duo stopped mid-boogie and started screaming; "TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES! TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES!" Wufei blushed red, before tackling Duo. They both rolled around on the ground.   
  
Reinforcements arrived; Heero with a tranquilizer, Trowa with a bat, and Quatre with a strait jacket. Duo threw Wufei off of himself and bolted towards Quatre. The blonde was caught unprepared and Duo was able to steal the jacket from Quatre, the chestnut-haired insane-dude plowed into Trowa and attempted to wrap him in the jacket. The bat swung through the air. "Trowa be careful with that--" A lamp broke, a chair, the bat, the -metal- bat, broke upon contact with Duo's head.  
  
Duo stood dazed for a few moments, long ehough for Heero to stick a few elephant sized tranqs into him. But they ever seem to do any good...Duo shook his head jumped high into the air and landed on the enourmus Christmas Tree. Decorative balls, ribbions, ornaments, small figures, they all went flying everywhere, glass shattering. "Duo! You broke my Baby Reindeer ornament!!" Quatre cried. Wufei rolled his eyes and reached for the strait jacket, which had been dropped.  
  
Duo Maxwell began shrieking like a holler monkey. Heero covered his ears, which were indeed bleeding. Trowa attempted to shake Duo out of the tree, but only succeeded in knocking off more ornaments, and upsetting Quatre more. "Oh, be quiet Winner." Wufei growled. Heero went and turned off the music, which had been pounding up til now.  
  
Wufei got another bat and started taking swings at the tree, more ornaments, branches, flew everywhere. "My poor beautiful tree....." Quatre muttered. Heero got an idea. The Perfect Soldier went into the other room and got a helmet..thing. He put it on Quatre before he could resist. -ZERO- The arab's eyes went funny, widened, Quatre lept onto the tree; "Get off my tree you coffee crazied bastard!!!"  
  
"Nice one Yuy, now we have two insane idiots." Wufei growled. "But Quatre's we can stop by taking off the helmet, Duo's just insane." the other replied. Trowa sighed. Quatre and Duo were attacking each other like wildcats, both leaping around in the tree slashing at each other. Heero went and got some popcorn. Trowa sighed again.  
  
Suddenly, without warning, Duo jumped from the gigantic tree and landed on a pile of presents, which all exploded. Gift wrap, plastic, and tissue paper flew. "Shit! Damnit! That was the new DVD player I bought!" Trowa groaned. "There goes the cheap plastic keychain I was forced to get for Relena, how sad." Heero attempted to look regretful. "MY PRESENTS!" Quatre shreiked, and jumped off the tree after Duo. "I shouldda brought a camera." Wufei muttered.  
  
"YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYY! I'm gonna be SICK!!!!" Duo jumped onto a coach, then grabbed one of the stockings off the chimney and barfed in it. "You sonuvabitch!!! My stocking!!!" Heero exploded. Duo started to giggled, Quatre tackled him, his eyeballs still wide from being connected to the ZERO system. Duo bounced off the springs in the couch and grabbed one of the balloons off the ceiling. The balloon was of a big-headed cartoon character.   
  
"Why iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis his head so big? Oh, Whhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhy is his head so biiiig?!?!" Duo asked in a high-pitched, very annoying voice. Quatre tackled again, but this time Duo dodged and Quatre crashed into the TV and his helmet fell off. The blonde was unconscious. Duo popped the balloon in Wufei's face and started screaming in the high-pitched voice; "WOOOOOO HOOHOOHOO! WOOOOOOOOO HOOHOOHOO!!"   
  
Trowa took the bat again and swung. It connected with the back of Duo's head. This time, luckily, the braidboy fell unconscious. "What do we do about the tree...and the barfed in stocking?" Wufei wondered. "I don't know, and I really don't give'a damn. I'm going to sleep." Heero went back to his room. Trowa dragged Quatre back to his room. Wufei, not wanting to touch the coffee-freak, left Duo unconscious on the floor, then went back to his room as well.  
  
The house was silent once again. The tree was in ruins, ornaments scattered about. A missing stocking was filled with coffee-barf. The presents were squished. All was calm again. There was a thud on the roof. A man in red and a huge sack slid down the chimney. He glanced around the room. And sweatdropped big. //These people sure have Christmas spirit. What happened here? A tree massacre?// He left a few gifts then crawled up the chimney again. Duo, still unconscious on the floor, mumbled; "I'm waiting for Santa...."  
  
  
Chibi Sikeeh: WOOOOO! That was fun! And you all thought Kiriska was dead!!  
Chibi Fique: WOOHOOHOOHOO! WOOHOOHOOHOO!! REVIEW!  
Chibi Sikeeh: Or, of couse, we'll send Kabahoshi after you. ^_^ And that would be bad, you won't get to see 2002! 


	2. Valentine's Special

Chibi Sikeeh: Nice to see Evil Coffee is making a comeback from it's months of being succeeded by the DBZ fics.  
Chibi Fique: I liked the DBZ fics...  
Chibi Sikeeh: *thwaps Fique upside the head*  
Chibi Fique: Heehee.  
Mayakashi: You guys are pathetic  
Chibi Sikeeh: Shut up muse!!  
Mayakashi: Will you STOP calling me that?!  
Kiriska: Can we PUH-LEEZE get on with it!?  
Chibi Fique: Alright, alright. Sunrise Inc. owns GW not us, leave us be.  
  
+++++Evil Coffee Valentine's Special of Doom+++++  
  
Chibi Sikeeh: "Evil Coffee Valentine's Special of //Doom//"? Someone's had waaay too much Invader ZIM.  
Kiriska: Shut up!  
  
  
  
BRRRRIIIIIIIINNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG!!!!  
  
February 14th. 6:00am SST. (Standard Space Time) Valentine's Day morning. Duo's hand slammed onto his alarm clock, silencing it. The chestnut haired pilot sat up in bed and grinned. Today would be the perfect day for a certain coffee to make an appearence. After a quick breakfast in the shack, Duo gathered his supplies and exited his home....  
  
Heero grumbled as he sat down at the small breakfast table in his apartment. Today was Valentine's Day. Relena would come to bug him veeeerrry soon...and she would not give up til the day was through...The Perfect Solider sighed. *DING DONG* The doorbell sounded. Heero glanced at the clock, it was only 6:21 am, Relena couldn't be here already could she?   
  
"HEY HEERO!!" Duo's voice rang out, Heero breathed a small sigh of relief, but stopped in mid-sigh. Duo, on Valentine's Day, bet he had lots of plans to annoy people. Reluctantly, the brown-haired boy made his way to the door. "What took YOU so long?!" Duo bounced into the apartment, obviously hyper and up to something. "What are you up to this time?" Heero sighed. "What makes you think I'm up to something?" Duo chirped innocently. "If you're not, then I shall shoot myself in the head." Heero stated monotnosly.  
  
"Aw, dun do that Hee-chan, you're right." Duo grinned. "You're not gonna use that damn coffee again are you?" Heero pointed to the braidboy's backpack. Duo's grin spread wider, "Maaaaybe." Heero hung his head, "Who now?" "Ehhhhh, I was thinking...Reee-leeeaaann-ahhhhhh..." Heero joined Duo in grinning. "Y'know she's having a party tonight and she's gonna try and get me to go." Duo nodded, " I know...make her invite me." "Heh, ok, just don't--"  
  
*DING DONG!*  
  
Heero looked out his little peeking hole at the visiter outside. It was indeed, *Relena*. Heero opened the door slowly. As soon as the door was wide enough, Relena glomped Heero and sqeezed HARD. "Git off me, bitch!" Heero growled, Duo gave him a look. Relena payed no attention; "Heero! Heero! HEERO! I'm having a party today and I thought it would be SO romantic if you came, and you can be my date and we can dance, and do romantic stuff, and you can kiss me, and it'll be like so romantic and you can kill me again if ye'want, and it'll be so cool, and so you can come, and like yeah, and it starts at 6 and you can bring me chocolates and it'll be SO romantic, and Heero you're gonna come, and it'll--"  
  
"Goddamnit, bitch, shut up! You just repeat yourself LIKE A MILLION TIMES!!" Heero roared. Relena whimpered; "But Heero, don'tcha love me? Aren'tcha gonna come so you can dance with me and kiss me and and and..." Duo jumped in, "Can I commmme?!?!" he chirped. Relena's face twisted in disgust, "You? You dirty, smelly, ugly, rotten, demonic, insane, weird, icky, slimely, stupid....thing?! At MY beautiful pink Valentine's party!?" Relena shouted as if she wouldn't do that if Heero told her to.  
  
"I ain't goin' unless Duo can come." Heero stated simply. Relena instantly said; "FINE! COME you dirty snot bag!" then turned and continued yakking about Heero and herself. "Okkayyy...it's been nice, but now I must scream...SEE YOU AT SIX!!" Heero yelled and pushed Relena out the door. "Heehee, we gonna have FUN!" Duo giggled. "Now, what kinda food you got in this dump?"  
  
Quatre rang the doorbell to Relena's mansion, just about everyone in the colony had been invited to the Forgien Minister's Valentine's Day party, even the circus. Relena answered the door, "Hello! Quatre, Trowa, have you seen Heero?!?" The clown shook his head, "No." "He and Duo are coming." Quatre replied. Relena made a brief face of disgust then let her guests enter the mansion.  
  
"You're place is better than this, Q-man..." Trowa muttered under his breath. Quatre grinned. There were already quite a few people there; Wufei, Sally, Zechs, Noin, Une, Mariamiya...various government people and colony officals. Relena was fashioned in a bright pink ballroom dress with silky red ribbons and bows. It looked ridiculous. Quatre and Trowa made their was to some friends.  
  
"HEERO! You finally came!! What are those? Chocolates!? For me!? THANK YOU HEERO!! Come in, come in!!" Relena was pink with excitement, much to Heero's dismay, but Duo was snickering menicingly. The Perfect Soldier was dragged away by the Pink Princess of Pink. Meanwhile Duo joined up with Trowa and Quatre. Wufei was off somewhere trying to be unnoticed.  
  
"Duo...I don't like that look on your face..." Quatre started. Duo's just kept grinning. Trowa sighed, "You have coffee don'tchu?" Duo kept grinning. The arab smiled, "Relena?" Duo's grin continued to expand. Trowa smacked his forehead, "Thanks for the warning, I'll go hide now." The clown stalked off. Duo handed Quatre a camera, "Here, you know what to do." "No way, Duo, I'm not helping youi--awww hell, I hate the bitch too, good luck!" Duo giggled.  
  
Poor Heero was backed in a corner, Relena was inching closer. "HEY RELENA!" Duo bounced over. The bruinette looks very annoyed; "What do you want, Duo?" she growled. Shinigami ignored her; "I was wonderin' if you want somma dis wonderful drink! It's supposed to make people fall in looooove'cha!" he chirped. Heero slipped a smirk. Relena squeeled and grabbed the glass from Duo's hand. "Now Heero WILL love meee!!" She sang loudly and gulped the drink. Relena went back to harassing the Perfect Soldier.  
  
But several seconds later,.....Relena was on top of one of the refreshment tables. She had the bowl of strawberry punch. Trowa was hiding behind the large pink curtains. Quatre was beside him with the camera. Wufei was running around cursing his head off. Duo was happily gathering chocolates. Heero was off to one side, unsure what to do. "I HATE VALENTINE'S DAY!" The Vice Forgien Minister screamed throwing the bowl of punch at some poor colony offical. The man ducked and ran out the door screaming; "That's it, no peace with our colony!!!"  
  
"HEEEERRRROOOOOO!!!" Relena ran towards the unexpecting soldier with open arms. "Ack! DUO! What the hell is she doing?!?!?" Duo shruged and laughed. Wufei was still cursing. Relena looked like some hideous monster in pink. Heero didn't look very perfect running from her. Relena soon lost intrest and grabbed a razor. Trowa snorted as she began to badly shave her head.  
  
The room was completely TPed. Duo was laughing and mooching on food. Wufei ran out of the house screaming. Everyone was gone except Trowa, Quatre, Duo, Heero, and Relena. The press would be here soon. "I HATE PINK!!" Relena found a chainsaw and started killing everything. "Eeep!" Duo ran off. "Hey!!" Quatre ran after him. "AH!" Trowa followed Quatre. "Don't leave me!" Heero ran off as well.  
  
Relena ran off with the chainsaw...out the door..into the unexpecting world...  
  
  
  
"And Miss Vice Forgien Minister Dorlan was sentenced to 6 months in the ayslum on L56237. Damage costs for her rampage today totaled 4,243,223,120 dollars and will be payed with by her mansion...which has been sold...." Heero clicked off the TV. Duo lay upside down on the couch. "That was fun. Want some coffee Heero?" "As long as it's normal coffee." Heero answered.  
  
"Aw man, we're outta chocolate,.." Duo whined as he got up to brew coffee. "What? All that candy you stole at Relena's today?" "Uh-huh." Duo handed Heero some coffee, then drank some himself. "Hey wait,..this tastes like.." Heero's eyes went wide. So did Duo's. The door flew open and 2 more Insane People went off...  
  
OWARI  
  
Chibi Tiyan: Short I know.  
Chibi Sikeeh: Not much coffee-ness..  
Kiriska: Wah, I'm losing my touch aren't I?  
Chibi Fique: Maybe.  
Mayakashi: Eh.  
Kiriska: WAH! Review and tell me! 


	3. St. Patrick's Day

Kiriska: A'top 'o da mornin' to ye all. Sorry I waited til the last minute to write this, I have so much other stuff I want to work on!! Anyway, here goes.  
Chibi Fique: YAAAAY!!  
Chibi Tiyan: Relena bashing for a sentence or two. We don't own Gundam W. We own the goat though.  
Kiriska: Muwahahah! The goat! The goat is MINE!! Heehee. ^__^ I like goats.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Evil Coffee St. Patrick's Day  
By: Kiriska  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Whose idea was it to bring Maxwell to the party?" Wufei grumbled. Quatre shrugged. Heero groaned. Trowa sighed. Duo giggled, "You're not wearing green Wuffie! You're not wearing green!!" Shinigami pinched Wufei continuously. The Dragon Warrior glared at Quatre, if I break his nose, it's not my fault. "Oh quit it, we'll be late for the parade." Trowa said. the small group left the Winner Mansion.  
  
The streets of the colony was overrun by people. Green and white balloons clustered the sky. Drunk people with green painted faces and funky shamrock hats laughed and pushed people around. The parade itself consisted of dozens of floats, Irish Wolfhounds marching the streets, the band in bright green uniforms, and much more.  
  
"I'm thirsty." Duo announced. "Go find something to drink." Wufei replied irritably. So the braidboy went off to find a drink, he found a small coffeeshop on the street, blocked from view by the huge crowd. The formor-Gundam pilot purchased a large cup of mocha and drained it down fast. Then bought another cup.  
  
"Where's Duo?" Quatre asked, turning to the others. "He went to find something to drink." the Chinese one replied. "A drink?" repeated the blonde. "Yes..." Wufei confirmed slowly, then it hit him, "Oh shit." Heero sighed loudly. "Another holiday ruined." "C'mon, we have to find him before he does something stupid." Quatre said. "This is all your fault, Winner." Wufei growled under his breath.  
  
The group of four pushed through the think crowd looking for their friend. Wufei accidently rammed into a little girl with a green dress. He knocked her to the ground and got her dress dirty. She started screaming her head off. Many heads turned. The mother bitchslapped the Solitary Dragon and stalked off with her kid. Heero smothered a snicker. Wufei was in a very bad mood now. Ready to murder the braidboy if they found him.  
  
"Midoriiro Kaibutsus!! Saikoro!!" the familiar voice of the psychotic braidboy rang out above the murmers of the crowd. "Holy shit..." "Damnit, Duo's Japanese sucks." Heero commented as they rushed towards the sound of the voice. "What's he trying to say?" Quatre asked absently. "'Green monsters! Die!'" Heero replied.  
  
They spotted Duo, with some weird green wig on his head, dancing Irish-style a' top o' a float with a giant shamrock. "A'hoy mates! Come'ta join da par-tay?" he shrieked down at his friends. "That's an Autrailian accent, dumbass." Heero said. Shinigami blinked, then resumed dancing.   
  
"By yon bonnie banks and by yon bonnie braes,  
Where the sun shines bright on Loch Lomond,  
Where me and my true love were ever won't to gae  
On the bonnie bonnie banks o' Loch Lomond..."  
  
"When the hell did Duo learn Irish folk songs?" Trowa wondered. The crowd, now was singing along with Duo, not knowing at all that this was not part of the parade. The four other Gundam pilots stared at the crowd, debating what to do. "Well...maybe he won't do anything but sing..." Quatre suggested. "Yeah, you go and assume that, Winner." Wufei growled. "Let's just wait and see what he does, ok?"  
  
"O' ye'll tak the high road and I'll tak the low road,  
And I'll be in Scotland afore ye;  
But me and my true love will never meet again,  
On the bonnie bonnie banks o' loch Lomond..."  
  
Duo and the crowd continued the song,...when they got to the final verse though, Duo stopped dancing and jumped off the top of the float. Some people screamed, others cheered, the pilots just watched. The braidboy sailed through air and landed on the float behind the one he was on. This float however, had a giant green goat thing on it and it did not support the weight of Duo. The styrafoam statue swayed.   
  
Now the crowd was sure this wasn't supposed to happen. They scattered. "We'll wait and see what happens, says you." Wufei growled. The pilots, too, scattered, they couldn't stop a giant sytrafoam statue. The Giant Green Goat came crashing to the ground smushing several people and breaking a large hole in a small shop. Yes, it was a very big and very heavy statue.  
  
The rest of the parade that was behind the float with the goat halted. The sudden halt caused a chain reaction, you know, all that stuff they taught you in Science? The first float stopped so suddenly that the ones behind it all rammed into it, causing their ornaments and statues and giant green things to topple over. Those items squished more people and buildings. The squished buildings' broken bricks and stuff poured into other buildings causing more damage.  
  
The marching band which had been placed, most unfortunately, behind the float behind the Giant Green Goat Float (Confusing HUH?!). The band members near the rear of the band, the poor trombones and baritones, got rammed by the floats behind them. This caused many dents in their thousand dollar instruments. Many of misfated band people were also squished by the falling statues and giant green things. This caused more dented and broken horns. (So glad I'm not in Marching Band)  
  
The crowd was running around everywhere screaming, trying to drag their friends and family out from the Giant Green Goat or otherwise. Duo, however, was not dancing a'top the fallen goat and screeching about something in German. "Ich bien ien berliner!!" "Maxwell!!" The pilots emerged from their various locations and started screaming at their friend.  
  
Heero had been smushed under a giant celtic violin thing and had a few bruises. A Tuba player had bumped into Wufei and knocked him upside the head with his giant horn. Quatre was covered in green paint for some reason. Trowa looked like a green chicken. Hmm...  
  
Wufei jumped onto the fallen Giant Green Goat and tackled Duo. "AIIIIEEEEEEEE!! Estinguersi!! Estinguersi!!!" the braidboy screamed. "How come Duo is so fluent in other languages when he's...coffeehibilitated?" Quatre wondered, "He failed that Italian test, hands down." "Shut the hell up Maxwell!!" "Should we let Wufei kill Duo?" Trowa asked. "Hn."  
  
When Duo was finally ... calmed, most people had been rescued from benethe giant things and buildings. The huge party at the center of the colony hadn't been canceled in spite of things. The people flocked over there while other...not so privileged ones cleaned up the mess on Main Street. So, it's not over yet peoples....heheheh...  
  
Duo attended the party. Although he was tied, had a sock in his mouth, and was in a corner, far from anything even close to coffee. The room was painted a faded lime green, darker shades of green were present in streamers, balloons, and confettii. It was a pretty formal party and nothing exciting was happening. Quatre and Trowa were having a conversation with Zechs and Noin. Wufei was eating, and Heero was just trying to avoid Relena.  
  
Shinigami was totally fusterated, he was vaguely aware of what happened earlier in the day, him being tied up kinda meant he did something stupid. But he still wanted to participate in the party, he struggled in his bonds. A green goat came up to him, the animal had been painted for the ocasion. It started chewing on Duo's ropes. Duo grinned, goats are cool. Soon, he was free of the ropes, he removed the the gag from his mouth and gave it to the goat. The green creature ate it happily and baaa'ed for more.  
  
Duo smirked and slid into the party unnoticed. He was hungry, and thristy, especially after having a sock in his mouth. He found some food, and some coffee. Oh glorious coffee. Evil Coffee Co. Delicious. Duo drained the cup. Certain chaos followed. I won't go into detail, you can use your imaginations. ^_~  
  
At the end of the day, the room where the party was hosted was covered in green streamers. Torn green streamers. There was blotches of green paint everywhere, green goat prints were also all over the floor. Popped green balloons were on the tables and chairs. Many of the chairs were broken. One of the buffet tables was chopped in half near the middle. Food was spilled on the ground and on the walls. The giant punch bowl filled with some green punch was on the floor, and the green goat was sitting in it. A green Irish Wolfhouse was sleeping under one of the tables. A green chicken was in the chandelleer. Hmmm...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Kiriska: ^_~ Did'ja like it? I wuv muh Green Goat. =D Plz review!!!!!!! Happy St. Patricks Day everyone!!! 


	4. Easter Surprise

Kiriska: I'm a procrastinator, so sue me. Neh. I had begun thinking about this story on St.Patrick's Day, and thought, //It's two weeks...you have time.// A week later //There's still a whole week!// On Friday //Two days is plenty of time...// On Saturday..//You can finish it fast...// And lookie where I am now. -_-""   
Chibi Sikeeh: Seems you using us less and less.  
Kiriska: Am not, say the disclaimer, I command ye.  
Chibi Sikeeh: *siiigh* We do not own Gundam Wing.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Evil Coffee Easter Surprise"  
By: Kiriska  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Master Quatre, Mr. Yuy, Chang, and Barton to see you, sir." the servent's head poked out of the room at the end of the sentence. The blonde sighed. Whenever those three came over, it was to complain about Duo. 'Duo set my house on fire!' 'Duo put a dozen pihranas in my toliet!' 'Duo shaved my cat's head!' 'Duo ate my watch!' 'Duo stuck a long pointy stick through my computer!' Duo this, Duo that...Quatre sighed and got up to see what it was this time.  
  
"What did Duo do--" "Quatre! We have to stop him!" Trowa exploded on sight. "Stop him wh--" Pilot 04 was again interrupted. "The fool volunteered at the local elemenary school and--" Quatre blinked, "What's wrong with that?" "Let me explain Quatre." Heero huffed, "And all you people shut up." Trowa and Wufei glared, not said nothing.  
  
"Duo volunteered at the school to host an Easter Hunt. He's putting chocolate in the plastic eggs. I saw him mix coffee into the chocolate." He explained. The blonde blinked several times, "Why do you need me to stop him?!" he demanded, "I always fix everything! Pay for all the damage all the time! You do it!" He cried.  
  
"Yeah, but if we go, Wufei will probably kill him in front of all those innocent eyes." Trowa pointed out. Wufei snorted. "Then YOU stop him from killing him! You guys need to do stuff by yourself! Geez, none of you even have a job! 'Cept maybe Trowa...you just live off the money the government gave y'all after the war!" The three were surprised by Quatre's protest. "Ok, fine, Winner, but it's not my fault if Maxwell's guts are smeared all over the playground." Wufei smirked. They left.  
  
Quatre sighed, he probably should go. He wasn't entirely sure if Wufei was joking or not. Him, Heero and Trowa had planned on killing the braidboy many times. 457 of their list of 1001 Ways To Kill Duo had been at been attempted. Do, if he helped them now they'd just keep coming back every time Duo does something stupid. . . But who knows what would happen if that coffee was spread to the children? The blonde sat there, debating with himself.  
  
Duo stood in front of the class of twenty-three 7-year old kids. He was grinning, they were grinning, the teachers were grinning. Everyone was happy. For now. "Ok, kiddies, I've hidden like 50 eggs all over your playground, they all gots chocolate in 'um! You find da egg, you get to eat da chocolate! You can go at the count of three, ready?" Duo said. The 23 happy faces nodded. "Onnnnnne.....twwwwwoooooo.....two andda haaaaalf.....THREE!!" The children bolted.  
  
Heero, Trowa, and Wufei scurried into the school building, panting, "Where's the Easter Hunt being held!?" Heero demanded. The secretary lady blinked rapidly several times; "Well, first, sirs, you'll have to sign in here and..." "WHERE IS THE EASTER HUNT BEING HELD!??!?!" Wufei boomed. The woman shrank back; "The playground." she squeaked. Wufei and Heero ran off, Trowa sweatdropped and turned back to the woman; "Thankyew ma'am." then took off after his companions.  
  
Quatre Raberba Winner sighed, picked up a few tranquilizers, his coat and headed out the door. The goodness in him got the best of the situation. The blonde got in one of his cars and drove off, hoping the insured insanity hadn't begun yet....  
  
The kids scurried about the area, grabbing colored plastic eggs. Duo just stood back, watching and giggling. The teachers were lookin' at him funny. When all the eggs had been gathered, the kids sat down and compared the number of eggs they each had. That's when Heero, Wufei, and Trowa showed up.  
  
"You kids! Dun eat da eggs!" Trowa barked. They blinked at him. One of them said; "You don't eat the egg, you eat the chocolate, mister." Wufei pushed Trowa aside, "Don't eat it!" he growled. Only a few of them were listening however, many had already began munching. Kids. Short attention spans. Duo crept away to find his camera.  
  
"No! Don't eat it! It'll make you insane!" Wufei shrieked angrilly, he grabbed a piece of chocolate from a little girl. Who started screeching. "Miss KONNIE! HE TOOK MUH CANDIEEEEE!!" Wufei dropped the candy as soon as the horrible sounds reached his ears; "Quiet kid!" The teachers were coming over, "What are you people doing here!? Can't you see these kids are trying to enjoy their Easter candy?!" "But ma'am, you don't understand th--"  
  
"GOOOOOOOOOAT-T-T-TAAAAAAAAACCC-OOOOOOOSSS!!" one of the kids screamed suddenly. All other heads turned. "Goat Tacos! Goat Tacos! Goat Tacos!" the little boy shrieked continuously. Others joined in: "Goat Tacos! Goat Tacos! Goat Tacos!" Then group of kids split into two; one group saying "Goat Tacos!" the other saying; "Socat Taog!"  
  
"Goat Tacos!" "Socat Taog!" "Goat Tacos!" "Socat Taog!" they screamed at each other. Duo was up on the roof, video taping and snapping photos. No one noticed. "What's going on, children!?" one of the teachers asked. "Ug! Too late!" Heero sighed. "NO ME GUSTARIA COMER CHOCOLATE CONTIGO!!" someone boomed loudly. "TU TIENES QUE! TIENES QUE! ARRRRGGGGGGGG!!" another kid went charging at the first with a long, pointy, stick. "AIIIEEE!!"  
  
The two ran around while everyone else was still chanting 'Goat Tacos' or 'Socat Taog' "Ni men! Ni men! Ni men dou shi chun ren! Ni men dou shi chun ren! HEHEHEHEH!!" another kid broke off into giggles and started running around. He climbed a'top da jungle gym and started howlin' like a wolfie. "ArrrrrrrroooooooOOOOOoooooooo...." The others halted their activities and howled back. The chorus of insane-wolf-people howled. "Aaaaoooooooooooooo...." "RouoooooooOOoooooooo..." "AR-ar-ar-ArrrooooOooooooOOOOOOoooo..." "Oooooooooooooo..!" "Kids...kids...are you ok..." The teachers were slow...  
  
The howls broke off into barks, yips, squeaks, whimpers, mews, chittering, mooing, bleeting, and other such non-human sounds: "Meee..ROW!" "Ark! Ark!" "Yip! Yip, yip, yip, yipyipyip, yip!" "Eek.eek.eek..ekk..." "MooooOooooOOOOooo...MoooooOooooo..." "CAW! CAW! CAW! CAW!" "Baaaahhh...baaaaahhh..." "Oooo! Ooo! Ooo! Eee! Eee! Eee!" "REOW!" "Chika-dee-dee-dee-dee..Chika-dee-dee-dee-dee..." "Gobble gobble gobble!" "Eee-Ogggg!!" "Holleh Bloodeh Noodles!!! Wut's goin' on 'ere mate!?" one of them yelped, he was holdin' his head like he had a hat on.  
  
Another answered as everyone else continued their sounds; "Dunno, laddy, they be jumpin' 'round like dem animals...crazy folk, yes?" The first took a piece of straw out of no where and stuck it in his mouth, letting the tip hang outwards. He rolled his jean legs up. He 'ooked lika hilbillie. "Not so sure, dude, they could just be crazy, y'know dude? Them crazies be actin' weird all da time, yeah, dude. Heh." The other shruged. Then the other 21 little kids got up and formed three lines of 7 people each.  
  
The two that were chatting went to the front of the group and said together; "Foward,....march!" the group marched. Like little soldier people...dudes. The three pilots and the group of teachers just stood there. "Leeeeeeft..face!" the group turned left. "About....face!" the group turned around. And headed right for the pilots and teachers. "Umm..."  
  
Heero, Wufei, and Trowa moved aside. As did the teachers. The group of seven year olds just marched past them. "Abbbbout.....face!" the soldiers...I mean, kids, turned around again. "AaaaaaaTTACK!" screamed one. They charged. The pilots and teachers scattered. So did the koffee-kids. Everyone was running around, yelling, screaming, and cursin' when the Q-man arrived.  
  
"Holleh Cheesecakes..." At the arrival of Quatre, all the children grouped together in the center of the playground. They climbed a'top of each other and formed a really big pyramid, the structure wavered. "......" Everyone just stared. Then, a lost seagull came and smacked into the head of the kid on top. The kid pyramid swayed, ..... the kid on top fell, knocking into some other kids, and they all fell down!  
  
"This is weird, none of them are really doing anything...destructive...." Wufei mumbled. "That's a surprise." Trowa commented. The children tumbled down and sat on the ground. They hadn't been acting much like the other coffee goers. Perhaps their age? Not that they hadn't been doing stupid and strange things...it;s just...  
  
"Spoke too soon, Wufei." Quatre sighed. The 23 kids all run towards the nearest tree and pulled off long, pointy branches. They ran around wacking people. 23 little demons with sticks. Some of them wacked their teachers, others wacked the pilots. Most of them ran off, into the streets, into the city. They broke windows, tormented dogs, and attacked passing people. Tsk, tsk.  
  
The 4 Gundam pilots ran after the kids, tranquilizers and all. Of course, the tranqs never seem to work. The fire apartment was rushing all over the colony, fires here, a cat in tree here, burning cheese statues over there. This one apartment was burned to the ground, cuz the fire truck was busy putting out a gas fire that resulted in someone poking a hole in a gas container. The colony was in flames 'til Easter Sunday. Then it was just charred...black...stuff. The only good that came out of it was Duo's 5-hour video of it all. It'll bring laughs to ye all.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Kiriska: I appoligize, this is certainly not my best work. Today's just been distracting, I joined a new RPG, blah blah blah. When's the next holiday? I promise it'll be better...Oh yeah...somma that goat stuff was left over from St.Pat's Day...heheh, the goats were still in me...couldn't help it. =P 


	5. US Independence Day

Note: So SORRY! Stupid ffn being down for so long really screwed me up, and even when it got up again, it wouldn't let me upload anything, so you get this special, a BIT LATE. o_0; I'm sorry.   
  
Chibi Fique: FINALLY! I thought you'd never write again!  
Kiriska: -_- It's only been a month...  
Chibi SIkeeh: ONLY!  
Chibi Tiyan: Yeah, we were all glad summer was here cuz we were expecting you to WRITE.  
Kiriska: Well, tell that to my stupid muses next time they decide to take off.  
Chibis: Neh, always blame the muses.  
Kiriska: SHUT UP! Want me to write or not!?  
Chibis: Fine. We don't own Gundam Wing. So neh.   
Kiriska: Stop saying 'neh'.  
Chibis: Neh.  
  
  
  
  
  
Evil Coffee's Independence Day  
By: Kiriska  
  
  
  
  
  
"I am very sad." Heero muttered. "Why's that?" Trowa wondered. "Think loser." was the other's reply. The clown laughed; "You mean the fact that today's the US's Independence Day, Quatre's gonna make us go see parades and/or fireworks with Wufei and Duo. And the fact that your just KNOW Duo's going to consume some caffine no matter what we do?" Heero growled; "That, and the fact that my goldfish died." "Well then, it's going to be a busy day. Better get ready for it." with that, Trowa clicked the telephone off.  
  
Heero muttered something as he hung up the phone. He was beginning to dispise all holidays because Quatre's optimisticness insured that they would continue to go to parties and celebrations no matter what Duo did. The retired soldier went about his breakfast thinking of all the things that would go wrong that day and waiting for the expected phone call from Quatre. And of course, Quatre being Quatre, was predicatable.  
  
"Hey Heero!" the blonde's image appeared on the telecommunication screen behind him. "What?" "Wanna come with the others and me to see fireworks tonight?" "If I say no, you're going to whine and beg until I do, aren't you?" "Prolly." "....." "Great! Meet us at my house 'round 8, kay?" And the line was dead. "DAMN." Heero cursed himself for being lured into another outing with the formor Gundam team, but he didn't have much time for that because another call was connected.  
  
"Hey Heero!" The chestnut haired freak's image was displayed on screen, "Happy July 4th!" "Hn." "Wanna come wit me to shop for firecrackers this after noon?!" the unbelieveable cheerful voice asked. "No, not really. Shopping with you for explosives? No, I don't think so." "Awesome man! I'll be at 'jour 'partment 'round 2 kay?" And Duo was offscreen. "WHY the hell is everyone making decisions for me today!?" And as if he didn't have enough problems...  
  
"Hey Heeeeeeeeeeeroooooooooo!!" Vice Forgien Minister Dorlan put a call through. The Heero in question buried his head in his hands and groaned audiablely. "Wanna come to my party tonight?" "NO! ABOSOLUTELY NOT!" 01 yelled, but of course, his protests were fell upon deaf ears. "Great! It starts at 7, see you there!" "ARGG!" Heero slammed his head against the kitchen table. "Why do they even BOTHER to ASK me?" "Grrrrr...."  
  
DING-DONG! Heero didn't move. There was no need for it anyway, Duo would make his way inside if he didn't answer on the second ring. DING-DONG! "Heero!" the cobalt-eyed one waited. BAM! The door flew open. "Why didn't you answer man?" the American asked as he made his way inside. "You don't need me to answer the door, you can get in fine without me." Duo shrugged, "Whatever, c'mon! Their having sales on fireworks!" "I never agreed to come you know." Heero tried. "Hurry up!" the God of Death continued to talk as if Heero had never spoken. Defeated, the Perfect Soldier got up.  
  
"What are you going to use those for anyway?" Heero grumbled. "To fire off with the other fireworks when they launch 'um off." the other answered. "Uh-huh..." the doomed one glanced at the bag of explo-*firecrackers*, of course, Duo would turn them into weapons fit to be called massive weapons of war. "Man, I'm tired from all that shopping. I need some coffee, want some Heero?"  
  
Being too caught up in his imagination (weird images of giant mobile suits with guns full of firecrackers) Heero did not reply. "No? Alright." Duo shoved the bags of firecrackers into Heero's arms and bounced off. "Wha? Where are you going?" "I'll be right back!" The soldier blinked, but didn't make any attempt to follow the happy one. It was only later did he realize his mistake. But realizing later, did not help the now.  
  
Formor pilot of Deathscythe entered the poor, unsuspecting coffeeshop. "I'd like 3 large cups of mocha please!" When his drinks arrived he drained each one in a matter of seconds, then paused briefly to soak in the aftertase, before..."S'da FOURTH o' July, WOT!" "Uh..yes..sir..it, is..." the lady behind the counter answered slowly. "Well then, we need some RED, WHITE N' BLUENESS!" Duo screeched. At this, the Heero standing idle on the street outside dropped the bags of firecracker and darted towards the shop.  
  
Duo snatched the white tablecloth off of one of the nearby tables, amazingly, not a single piece of silverware or cup of coffee toppled. He then took two large containers of red and blue food coloring and dumped it all over the cloth, thus making a very messy ..banner of red, white and blue. "Duo! What are you doing?!" Heero groaned, but of course he knew. They all knew. These poor people of the colony. They KNEW the wrath of of coffee. They KNEW of the dangers of the coffeeboy. Yet they were too STUPID to learn to not serve the damn guy COFFEE!  
  
As the ruckus in the coffeeshop was going on. A guy on a bike passed by the spot where Heero had dropped the firecrackers and absently tossed a half-lit cigarette into the bag. And the pile started smoking slowly. "DUO! Put...that..ARGGG!!" The coffee-high one was hurling blueberries and cherries at people. Iced blueberries and cherries, which meant they hit hard against your skin. Where the hell did he find blueberries anc cherries, I'll never know. And if I did, I wouldn't tell you, so neh.  
  
Moments later, the firecrackers were going off, setting off colorful sparks into the busy streets of the colony. "AIIEEEEE!!!" Wufei lost control of his bike when one of the explosives blew off his front tire. "FUCK YOU MAXWELL!!" he screamed, automaticly blaming the one that was well...always to blame. The Solitary Dragon rammed into several people, and then a wall. Heero flew threw the window of the coffeeshop and landed a'top the Chinese one's bike.  
  
"WOOOOO!!" Duo cheered, chasing whatever people were left inside the shop out. The fireworks continued to go off, scaring people in and out of the surrounding buildings. "AMERICAN PRRRIIIDEEE!" "YOU WEREN'T EVEN BORN ON EARTH YOU DAMNABLE PERSON!" "S'not the point....!!!" And he was off, waving a red paintbrush wildly in the air. Heero cursed, got off the bike and ran after his formor ally. Wufei did the same, after picking up his bike and throwing it into a wall, scaring off a small crowd.  
  
~  
  
"You STILL want to take DUO to see the damned FIREWORKS after what HAPPENED!?" Wufei and Heero shrieked at the blonde. "Oh come ON guys! Give him a chance! We can keep him away from that evil coffee!" Quatre argued. "We already HAVE! TOO MANY TIMES!" They snapped back. "Yup." agreed Trowa casually. "MMMMMMFFHHHH!!!" Duo tried to speak, but no one could understand him. Must have something to do with that big, dirty sock in his mouth.   
  
Wufei thwaped the braidboy hard. "Shut up." "MFFFHHHHHHH!!" "Are any of you going to Relena's party?" Quatre asked, changing the subject. "No." the other three answered in unison. "MF!" agreed Duo. The peacemaker glanced at the clock, it was still pretty early, 5:49 pm. "Well then...um."   
  
"Why the HELL do we even CELEBRATE this holiday!?" Wufei exploded. "NONE of us were born there. NONE of us LIVE there. And when we WERE there, we were too busy FIGHTING to notice ANYWAY! So WHY are we celebrating the INDEPENDENCE of a nation that doesn't really EXIST anymore with the Unifyed Nation and suchness!?" Silence. Everyone just blinked. "Nevermind."  
  
~  
  
"WEEEE!!! This is SO COOOOLLL!" Duo pranced towards the biggest hill on the colony, it would be the best view for the fireworks. "I hate you Quatre." Wufei, Heero, and Trowa grumbled together. Quatre laughed nervously. "I can't believe you didn't even bring the leash...What will we do if he gets loose!?" Heero groaned exasperated. "Wow! This is GREAT! We have the best view on the whole colony!" Duo exclaimed, swinging the small cooler around. They had planned to have a small picnic while waiting for the fireworks to be set off.  
  
"Heeeeeerrrooooooo!!!" The Perfect Soldier groaned again. Relena bounced into the scene and glomped Heero. "You're alright! I'm so happy! I thought something awful had happened when you didn't show up at my party! Because I knew you would never ever miss it for the whole wide world because you loooooovvveeee meeeeeee!" Quatre, Wufei, Duo, and Trowa weren't doing very well containing their giggles.  
  
"Get the HELL off me bitch!" the brown-haired on shouted angrilly. Relena ungracefully got off and continued to swoon over the poor guy. "We we allllways meant to be, Heeeerooo, we were destined to be togeeeether!" "ARGARGARGARGARG!!!!" "DUO! DRINK SOME COFFEE AND GET RID OF HEEEERRRRR!!!" Heero screamed. "WHAT?!" Trowa and Wufei snapped out of their giggleyness, "HAVE YOU GONE MAD!?"  
  
"Huh? Drink coffee!? You mean you're gonna let me!? ALLLRIIIGGGHHHTTTT!!" Duo chirped happily and grabbed a large mug of Evil Coffee out of the cooler. "NoooooOOOO!!" Trowa and Wufei tackled the braidboy and attemped to drag him away from the coffee. But 03 and 05 had only gotten a'hold of 02's legs and his arms were still free and grab his coffee and lug it down his throat.   
  
"NOT AGAIN!!!!!" Wufei banged his head against the ground. "BEGONE RELENA!" Heero crackled insanely. "EEEE...HEHEHEHEHEH!!!" Duo giggled, taking his time to go all the way into 'coffeehigh' mode. "Fireworks will be starting in 10 minutes!" a voice said from a loudspeaker somewhere. "No! We have the get coffeeboy bound or unconscious in 10 minutes or he will surely cause this colony to explode!" Trowa exclaimed. "Dur, clown!" Wufei growled.  
  
"Um...." Quatre blinked, wondering how much this incident would end up costing him. A million or two at least. "SOMEBODY NEEDS A HUUUGGGG!" Duo squealed and pounced on Wufei. "ARG! GET OFF!" "NO! HUG RELENA DIMWIT! DO SOMETHING TO MAKE HER GO AWAY!" Heero shrieked and thwaped the braided one with a stick. "AIE!"  
  
~  
  
10 minutes later, Wufei was unconscious, Trowa was buried in the ground with only his had exposed, Relena was gone, Heero was gloating, Duo was running around spraypainting people red, white, and blue, and Quatre was..um..still sitting there, seemingly indifferent. And the first firework was launched into the air, exploding in a brilliant flash of reds and oranges.  
  
"WOW! FIREFLOWERS!" Duo screamed, delighted. If there were any people left, they would probably've run off. But they already had, so Duo screaming wasn't gonna chase no more peeps off. 'Cept maybe he'll scare off you readers since this is such a bad fic...anyway. "Do do, de-do-do!" 02 chirruped, mimicking the music from some Super Mario Bros. Game. He then ran off towards the area where they were launching the fireworks.  
  
"Uh, Heero, how that Relena's gone, maybe you should, uh, I don't know, stop Duo before we all die?" Trowa asked calmly from his position, "Then maybe after that you could dig me out, if it's not too much trouble." His voice was also dripping with sarcasum of course. Hard to imagine eh? Neh. "Huh? What? Me stop Duo? I'll die trying I guess." Heero sighed and jogged off after the coffeefyed one.  
  
"Where the hell are you Duo?" Heero hissed as he made his way over the rolls of artifical hills. Fireworks continued to shoot off into the air, exploding in clusters of color. "This is such a stupid tradition..." he muttered. Suddenly 10-15 fireworks exploded at once and new ones continued to fly up after them, not giving the sky a chance to be clear. Normally, this would single the end of the show, but it had only been a few minutes since the beginning of the show, which left the reasonable mind one conclusion: Duo.  
  
"AIIIIEEEE!!" The workers in charge of setting the celebrative explosives off ran for the foresaken little lives. The God of Death was standing before the box of fireworks with two machine-like metal tubes connected to each arm. And firecrackers were zooming out of each gun-like structure. So, it seems the crazy one has gotten firework-guns now. Who'd have imagined.  
  
Coffee now seems to have given Duo, not only the powers of being multilinguial, indestructable, and insane, but now, the power to materialize the strangest items out of no where. We praise Evil Coffee Co. But some party poo'in former Gundam pilot doesn't. "DUUUOOOOOO!!!" Heero ran past the fleeing people and dodged incoming fireworks. He tackle-dived into his 'friend', knocking them both over. This knocked over the box Duo was standing on and spilled more explosives all over the ground.   
  
The box of fireworks all shot off and began exploding, one of them hit the artifical weather control box at the top of the colony, and made the thing go berserk. It began snowing and thundering. "AIIEEE!" More people running and screaming. "Heero!?" Quatre had finally decided to come help. Too late though. Blondes. XD "YOUR LATE WINNER! NOW RUN!" Heero kicked Duo, before dashing out of the area while the colony all but exploded.  
  
~  
  
"How's Trowa?" Quatre wondered. "Eh, he's fine, most his body was stuck in that hole so only his head was damaged." Heero said matter-of-factly. "That's um, good I guess. Wufei is alright, just a few broken bones and burns. And Duo?" Heero groaned; "The fool doesn't have a scratch on him, he's unconscious though. That's always a good thing." "Maaaaan...this is costing me, what, a few dozen millions? He blew out half the damn colony.." Quatre whined. The other nodded. After a short silence, Heero said; "I am very sad."  
  
~  
  
OWARI  
  
~  
  
  
  
  
Kiriska: I suck. I suck baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad. ;_; But of course, reviews are still appreciated. 


	6. Caffinated Halloweenies

Kiriska: Damnit, it's true, it's true...DATES ON CALENDERS ARE MUCH CLOSER THAN THEY LOOK! X_x;; I've put this thing off til Halloween Eve, got a few paragraphs done then, wrote a few more on Halloween night, and blah, lookit now. -_- Gomen nasai minna...  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Evil Caffinated Halloweenies  
(Evil Coffee Halloween ^^)  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Untie me now! Untie me, damnit! Quatre! Help me!" Duo growled angrilly at his friends, who had tied him tightly to a tree in the forest. "Um, well, I would help, but y'know, Heero and the others are probably right. You'd end up costing me another million in damages." The blonde said. "YOU'RE RICH! What ELSE are you going to do with it!? And besides, how do YOU know what I'm going to do!?" the violet-eyed one thrashed violently. Heero stuffed a dirty sock into his mouth, "Shut up Duo." Wufei rolled his eyes. Trowa said nothing. Shinigami gave death glares.  
  
"Well, I need to go and buy a few tons of candy to handout and finish the touches for the party." Quatre told to no one in particular. "MBFFFFFFFHHHH!?!?!" the braidboy asked. Quatre waved an arm at him, "If I let you come what will stop you from sneaking coffee mix into the candy?" "Mpfh." "Whatever, I'm going to go hide from Relena." Heero said and headed off. Wufei, too, departed, but without a word. "Who have you invited to your party?" Trowa asked as he and the blonde started away from Duo and the tree. "Some colony officals, you guys, and some other people." Quatre shrugged. "So it's not going to be a freakshow? Just a formal party with Halloween as an excuse?" the gel-user wondered. "Well, no. They could come in costumes, if they want."  
  
"Are you going to dress up as anything?" Again the peacemaker shrugged, "I don't know, why, are you?" Trowa's turn to shrug, "A clown?" Quatre laughed, then changed the subject, "Think Duo will break his bonds?" "Yes." The circusboy showed no hesitation. Quatre was surprised, "What? Then why did we even bother?" "No idea. Clinging on to some impossible hope that there will be a holiday that Duo doesn't ruin?" Trowa suggested. "Oi...If we know all this, why don't we try harder to stop him?" The blonde demanded. "Hey, hey, what happen to all of your 'We should give him another chance! He's bound to learn his lesson!' stuff"? The green-eyed clown laughed.   
  
Quatre growled, "He sent GOATS to DESTROY my mansion." The clown laughed again, "Well, do you have any ideas? How shall we stop the God of Coffee?" "I have some ideas. Maybe. I dunno, help me think." "Heheheheheh..."  
  
"This is ridicilous. So very undignifyed..." grumbled Heero as he peeked from out from inside a dumpster. Relena, as predicted, had been chasing him around all morning, trying to invite him to go to her Halloween party. He almost hoped that Duo would go to Relena's party to trash it. But the pilot of 02 wasn't going to be invited anywhere. But then again, he might go anyway. Heero laughed at the thought of Duo giving Relena a dose of coffee again and having her wreck her own party again. "Heero!? Is that you!?" "DAMN!" The spandexboy lit out of the trash and down the alley, the prime minister hot on his trail.  
  
Wufei was boarding up his house. He dispised Halloween and he dispised Trick-or-Treaters, so he was spending this day making his house look very hostile and uninviting so perhaps parents wouldn't let their children disturb him. Unfortuntely for him, he didn't know that sometimes the less inviting he made his house appear, the more children may be inclined to go and bother him, espeically the older, braver ones. In any case, the Solitary Dragon was ready with hoses and silly-string to ward off crazy Trick-or-Treaters. Or so he thinks.   
  
The pilot of 05 did not plan to attend any Halloween parties, be it Relena's, Quatre's or otherwise. But he was sure that Quatre would find some way to convince him to go no matter what he promised himself. The peaceful blonde was unbelieveablely pursuasive and sometimes Wufei could swear that the rich guy was using hypnosis or something to do it. Nevertheless, the Chinese boy hoped to be able to skip out on the holiday's celebrations this time. He knew Duo could never be confined, and that was more than enough to keep anyone from any party on Halloween.  
  
Duo waited until the last of his 'friends' disappeared from the forest. They had tied him, with 5 strong cables, to a large tree in the middle of the nowhere, far from his shack and anything else. His shack had been made unaccessable anyway though, it's doors were barred and a layer of steel covered each wall. So Shinigami would not retrieve supplies from his home. But they didn't realize all the lasting power that came with addiction to the legendary coffee, that combined with the awakening of strange and troublemaking spirits on Halloween and Duo's raw skill, made the God of Death a very easy person to underestimate on this day.  
  
The braidboy was free in a matter of moments. He knew his friends knew that he could escape, but he doubted that they knew that he would be able to break free so soon. He grinned as the horrific plan for the evening formed in this head. Although he couldn't get anything from his shack, he had several caches of useful materials hidden throughout the forest. Uncovering the nearest one, he retrieved a a backpack with a dozen cans of flavored Evil Coffee, rope, several costumes, sleep gas, and war paint.  
  
It was still early in the day, not even noon yet, and so everyone had plenty of time to prepare. Relena's party began at 6 pm, and Quatre's at 8 pm. It starts to get dark around 7:30. Most stores are open all day. Although Quatre and Relena were both absent from the preparations of their parties, their servents and family and friends were at the respective mansions setting things up. There were also several, lesser known, Halloween parties and raves planned for the night, all of those were also being prepared for. Everyone was doing last minute candy and costume shopping, and the streets were very crowded.  
  
Duo repocketed his binoculars and shimmied down the tree. The security at the vice forgien minister's home was tight, but they hadn't been designed to keep Duo out, like Quatre's had. Thus the Coffee Demon found himself there first. Carefully and skillfully, he slipped into the house through a window that had been ajar on the far side of the building. No one noticed him. Quickly, he slipped on a servent's garb and entered the hallway inconspiciously. So far so good. Everyone was too preoccupied with their duties to pay much attention to Duo.   
  
For once, the inside of the manor was not a horrendous pink and white. Rather, the colors were actually dark, grey, orange, and black streamers were strung across the ceiling, black poster paper lined the walls, covering the pink paint. Fake spider webs were in every corner and layers of black and orange confetti littered the carpet. Duo headed straight for the kitchen, no time to lose. Slipping in, once again unnoticed, Shinigami replaced every drink available from punch to wine to vegatable juice with the respective colored and flavored coffee. After that, he mixed in doses of the toxin with the cake batter, chip dip, ice cream, pocky, and even the huge bowl of water that would be used for bobbing apples. And of course, the candy that would be handed out.  
  
With that party doomed, the mischivious Gundam pilot slipped out of the house and went to resupply himself. A dark alley in the middle of the colony was home to the little shop where Duo got his coffee from. The shop was always stocked full, offering the latest flavors and colors of the drink. Hell, the substance might as well just be a drink with some insanity-causing drug in it. Not really coffee anymore. But it perks you right up! And up through the roof.  
  
Quatre and Trowa had spent the entire afternoon browsing costumes and discussing a plan to get Duo back for all his coffee-ness. Trowa would go as a clown, even though his earlier comment had been a joke. Quatre would be going to as a camel. They had a whole entire mastermindish plot worked out to capture Duo in his own game. The two pilots contacted Heero and Wufei to share the plan, it was the only way to get them to come to the party anyway. Heero would be glad for a place to hide from Relena, and Wufei's house was going to be swarmed.  
  
Duo spent most of his afternoon gasing the hosts of all the lesser parties and raves so that he could contaminate their food with coffee. He also went to a few dozen populated neighborhoods replacing all the candy with caffinated, flavored candy. By 5:00 pm, Shinigami had successfully brought certain chaos to 20 celebrations around the colony. His last hour before Relena's party began was spent completing his reign of terror by replacing all of Quatre's drink items with the Evil Coffee. However, the braidboy was a bit suspicious, the security was much more slack than he had expected, especially since he knew Quatre knew he was going to be there. Duo shrugged it off while he worked, then slipped out of the mansion and back into the forest.   
  
There, the pilot of 02 retrieved his costume, a camera, a remote of some kind, and a bottle of coffee before prancing down to Relena's. Quite a few guests had arrived already, some in costumes, some not. Duo was dressed in goth's clothing, make-up and everything. From a distance, he was unrecognizable. Hell, up close, he was just weird looking. Vampire teeth stained with fake blood was the finishing touches of Shinigami's outfit. But because the party required invitation, and Duo had definately not been invited, he had to sneak again through a window. Once inside, no one really noticed.  
  
Right off the goth noticed Quatre and Trowa. The clown didn't look too odd, since everyone had seen him in his circus attire many times. Quatre, on the other hand, looked ridicilous; a large, hairy hump pretruded his back and a weird coconut-looking mask was covering his hair. A laughable tail stuck to his rear. Stiffling his laughter, Duo took care to stay out of his friends' line of vision as he watched over the refreshment table and waited for someone to go off insane.  
  
Heero was hiding behind one of the black curtains. He didn't know why he had to be at Relena's party as well, Quatre's plan only really required him to be at his. In any case, he hoped that Vice Forgien Minister Dorlan wouldn't recognize him behind the atrcious witchdocter's mask. Wufei, too, was avoiding people. He had refused to wear a costume and was scouting the corners of the rooms. The camel and the clown were just mingling, trying to find Duo in the crowd.  
  
The braided goth boy grinned demonicly as he watched more and more people consume the contaminated drinks. None of the drinkers were going insane however, just as planned. The newest feature of the Evil Coffee was timed reactions. The chemicals that caused the temprary insanity would be stable and not react until a certain enzyme was turned 'on'. And the remote to turn things chaotic was in Duo's hands.   
  
The pilots of 01, 03, 04, and 05 were becoming increasingly suspicious. They KNEW that Duo had introduced his evil substance into the refreshments of the party, so why hadn't anyone gone off yet? Everyone had taken a drink already...what was going on? Duo had escaped from his bounds had he not? He had to have! There was no way he would have let them get his way of holiday doom. So what was going on? Trick-or-Treaters came and went, gathering their caches of Evil Candy, totally oblivious to the psychotic chemicals that awaited in their systems as they ate some. Around 7:45, the party of Gundam pilots along with a few other guests departed Relena's to go to Quatre's. Everyone was still very sane.  
  
The blonde camel debated whether or not to go on with his plans since Duo didn't seem to have done anything this Halloween, which was very shocking. And hell, the plans Quatre had in mind would do nothing but make fools of everyone that participated unless Duo was present, and so far it really seemed as if Shinigami had skipped both parties. Heero was skeptical, still quite positive that the braidboy was around. Wufei just wanted to go home. Trowa was indifferent, as usual.  
  
The party progressed, people drank stuff, people ate stuff, no one seemed to be losing their sanity. Candy was passed out; none of the children who sampled their treats as soon as they recieved them seemed to change any. Indeed, nothing seemed out of the ordinary, which was very abnormal. Half past eight, and all was fine. Quatre decided to call off his plans since Duo had still, yet to be spotted. The party continued on well, everyone thinking that nothing was going to go wrong. Man, were they wrong.  
  
As the grandfather clock struck nine, Duo pressed his remote button, setting off the insanity-causing drugs present in a vast majority of the people of the colony. People all across the colony snapped, the kids who had had some candy, the teens at the many raves, the important officals that had attended Relena's and Quatre's party... The first signs of it visable to Duo and the other pilots was Zechs. 'Preventer Wind' had been dressed as a werewolf, and suddenly, he became it completely. The man thrusted his head back and released a long, deafening howl. He was joined by Noin, a cat-thing, who started hissing and spitting and yowling like mad.   
  
"I KNEW it was too good to be true!" Quatre slapped his forehead. "Well, you can't do anything about it now." Trowa sighed, "You don't even know where Duo is, and your plan only would have worked with him here." "Well, damnit!" Heero growled, "You made me come here for nothing!" The costumed guests of the party were now running amok, barking, growling, shrieking, dancing in the cake, and playing football with glass wine glasses. Trowa sidestepped causally to allow Dorothy the Rabbit to run through waving a pair of underwear. Shinigami knows who those underpants belonged to. Quatre didn't want to know.  
  
"Duo! Where the hell are you?!" Quatre raved, but the braided goth boy did not answer him. "If he's here, he'll be the one that isn't going insane." Heero said. "How do you know he hasn'r consumed some of the junk himself?" Wufei asked. "He's never intoxicated when others are. He needs to catch all their stuff on tape, and he can't do that if he's psycho too." The perfect soldier answered. "Hm." Trowa raised an eyebrow. "Fine, help me find him then."  
  
The four pilots spreaded out to find the one sane one in the crowd of many masked freaks. Quatre ducked as Hilde threw a very expensive vase over his head to Rashid, who caught it and promptly broke it on Une's head. Une then ran off and grabbed another vase and threw it at Hilde, who ducked and the vase shattered against the wall. Quatre mourned the loss of two pretty vases and continued his search, browsing past crackling witches and warlocks. A lion crashed through the window, the kid's synthetic mane shook as he leapt onto the table and knocked off a bunch of glass dishes and cups. Many more younger costumed psychos crawled through the window after the lion.  
  
Trowa backflipped onto the chandileer and monitered the scenes from his perch. Many more windows were being smashed in now, and lots and lots of little Trick-or-Treaters poured inside to join the madness. A raccoon kid jumped onto Zechs and bit down on the wolfman's neck. Zechs howled like a maniac and tried to through the kid off his back. Noin whacked the kid with a baseball bat she got from who knows where and then jumped on to the poor name-chaning guy too. "AROOOOOOOOO!!! Aye, aye, aye, aye!!" Zechs jumped out one of the open windows and ran off down the street with both Noin and the raccoon kid on his back.  
  
Wufei had canceled his search momentarily to hide under a table from a colony offical who was dancing around and throwing pumpkin pies at people. Dorothy, who had gotten hit by a pie and was now blind ran around crashing into tables and other people. A former soldier who knocked over by Dorothy grabbed a handful of butterknives and started throwing them at people. "Ow!" Heero rubbed his head where he was hit by a butterknife. "Damn these caffinated halloweenies..." Mariameia in soldier's attire busted in the front door leading a whole army of crazy masked friends.  
  
They, combined with the other little children, tore the place up. The streamers were ripped from the walls, the tables overturned. One of Quatre's forty men slipped on slipt punch and skidded into Duo, who let out a yelp and smacked into a guy in a chicken suit, who then fell into someone else, and started a dominos thing. Soon just about everyone was on the ground, in a tangle of fur, wings, arms, and legs. The goth boy crawled from the mass of bodies and tried to continue taping. "There! Duo's here!" Trowa pointed from above. Shinigami frozen; "DAMN! You guys didn't drink anything!"  
  
Heero started laughing. "What's your problem Yuy?" Wufei growled, crawling out from beneathe the table. "Duo's wearing make-up and very short, tight, leather pants!!" he giggled, "He's a goth boy! Heeheeheehee!" Quatre kind stared at Heero before turning back to Duo, "What the hell happened!? Why did everyone go insane at the same time!? What new tricks are you up to!?" "Getting smarter." Trowa commented. "Smarter!? He's gone even more psycho!" the blonde ranted. "He's both, " Wufei said, "Psycho-er and smarter." But Duo was ignoring them all and glaring spitefully at Heero, who was rolling all over the spilt punch laughing his ass off.   
  
The caffinated people were leaving the house bunch by bunch, having found the place satisfactorily trashed. Bottles of spray paint circulated the mob and the neighborhood was in great danger. Wufei sighed, grabbed Duo's camera, smashed it and went home. Quatre was still raving, Heero was still laughing, and Duo was still glaring at him. Trowa, the indifferent one, left. And the colony, well, er, 5000 rolls of toliet paper were used up this Halloween night. By morning, there wasn't a building lefted unrolled, or without graffiti on it. The streets were covered with sillystring and Quatre's chocolate pudding.  
  
Duo was chained in Quatre's basement for a month, only for Quatre to find out that half the time it was a lifesize dummy. Heero couldn't stop laughing for days, and afterwards, he kept finding gothy items in his house. It was part of Duo's unsuccessful attempt to get him to wear some of it and get a laugh for himself. The colony officials threatened to kick Duo off the colony if he ever pulled something like that again, they were assured that he wouldn't, but who ever believes Quatre anymore?   
  
  
  
  
  
  
~OWARI~  
  
  
  
  
Kiriska: Eh...not that great was it? -.- The goth thing is an inside joke, dun worry about it if you didn't get it. Damn, now I have to go do the Thanksgiving one, but after that I'll be done with the holiday collections. However, I might decide to go and do another Xmas one if I get a chance. Plz review. 


	7. Christmas Coffee Carols

Kiriska: So I skipped the Thanksgiving special. I'll do it eventually...maybe. If not, then this will probably be the last thing I'll write pertaining to Evil Coffee, offically. Of course I may go back on this, and write EC9 or something, but I doubt it. The series has dragged out long enough, a year and a half. Duo's deranged, yes. Hope you enjoyed all the EC stuff, and enjoy this one last piece. u_u; Thanks for stayin' with me people.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
12 Days of Coffeemas  
(12 Days of Christmas)  
  
  
On the 12th day of Christmas, the braidboy gave to me...  
  
12 burning buildings  
11 cans of coffee  
10 million in damage  
9 singing jailbirds  
8 dancing hobos  
7 teachers screaming  
6 parties 'xploded  
5 DOZEN GOATS!  
4 angry mobs   
3 stupid pilots  
2 random chickens  
  
And a headache with a cup of (caffinated!) nog...  
  
  
Deck the Halls  
(Deck the Halls)  
  
Deck the halls with lots of coffee, Fa la la la la la la la!  
'Tis the season to be hiding, Fa la la la la la la la!  
Don we now our tranquilizers, Fa la la la la la la la!  
Troll the rotinue angry sceaming, Fa la la la la la la la!  
  
See the blazing mess before us, Fa la la la la la la la!  
Smash the cups and dance like a monkey, Fa la la la la la la la!  
Follow me in being psycho, Fa la la la la la la la!  
Leave a trail of good destruction, Fa la la la la la la la!  
  
Fast away the civilians run off, Fa la la la la la la la!  
Hail the sane, you running people, Fa la la la la la la la!  
Sing we crazies all together! Fa la la la la la la la!  
Heedless of the shouts and shrieking, Fa la la la la la la la!  
  
  
Jolly Psycho Coffee Man  
(Jolly Old Saint Nicholas)  
  
Jolly psycho Coffee Man,  
Please don't come this way!  
Don't you make a single soul  
Go and buy a sleigh  
Christmas Eve is coming soon;  
Now, you crazy freak  
Burn all what you want to bring;  
Or your shack shall cease to stand.  
  
When the clock is striking twelve,  
When we're fast asleep,  
Down the chimney, clad in black,  
With your poison you'll creep.  
All the food is set in place  
At your fingertips  
They will all be caffinated,  
Before dawn ever shows  
  
Heero wants your head on a stick,  
Wufei wants your liver,  
Trowa wants you dead real quick,  
And thrown into a river  
Now I think I'll leave to you  
This pathetic threat  
Don't you dare spread your coffee  
But you won't listen, I bet  
  
  
Here Comes Duo  
(Here Comes Santa Claus)  
  
  
Here comes Duo! Here comes Duo!  
All our joy down the drain!  
Psycho and crazy, and very dangerous  
Speeding like a train.  
People screaming, shrieking, falling;  
All is wrong, not right.  
Hide your possesions and say your prayers,  
'Cause Duo comes tonight!  
  
Here comes Duo! Here comes Duo!  
All our joy down the drain!  
Psycho and crazy, and very dangerous  
Speeding like a train.  
Hear those psychos, all caffinates  
What a horrific sight.  
Hide in a room and cover up your head,  
'Cause Duo comes tonight!  
  
  
Quatre Got Run Over By A Reindeer  
(Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer)  
  
Quatre got run over by a reindeer  
Walking home from Duo's shack Christmas eve.   
You can say there's no such thing as crazy,   
But as for us, we saw and we believe.   
  
He'd been drinkin' too much egg nog,   
And we all called him stupid to go.   
He forgot to bring his trusty dart gun,   
And stumbled out the door into the snow.   
  
When they found him Christmas mornin',   
At the scene of the attack.   
There were falsey hoof prints on his forehead,   
And incriminatin' coffee stains on his back.   
  
Quatre got run over by a reindeer  
Walking home from Duo's shack Christmas eve.   
You can say there's no such thing as crazy,   
But as for us, we saw and we believe.   
  
Now they're all so proud of Trowa,   
He blew up Duo's place with Zero  
See him in there being clownface,  
Drinkin' beer and playin' cards with Heero.   
  
It's not Christmas without Quatre.   
All the Winners dressed in black.   
And we just can't help but wonder:   
Should we open up eat his food or send it back?   
  
Quatre got run over by a reindeer  
Walking home from Duo's shack Christmas eve.   
You can say there's no such thing as crazy,   
But as for us, we saw and we believe.   
  
Now the goose is on the table   
And the pudding made of fat.   
And a blue and silver candle,   
That would just have matched the hair on Quatre's favorite hat  
  
They warned all their friends and neighbors.   
Better watch out for yourselves.   
They should never even walk close,   
To a freak who lives on the coffee stacked up on his shelves  
  
Quatre got run over by a reindeer  
Walking home from Duo's shack Christmas eve.   
You can say there's no such thing as crazy,   
But as for us, we saw and we believe.   
  
  
The Coffee Man Is Coming To Town  
(Santa Claus Is Coming To Town)  
  
You better watch out, you better say goodbye,  
You better not doubt me and I'm telling you why:  
The Coffee Man is coming to town.  
He's making a list, and checking it twice;  
Gonna buy coffee, some raisins and mice  
The Coffee Man is coming to town.  
He sees you when you're sleeping,  
He knows when you're awake,  
He knows if you you psycho or sane,  
So be act for crazy for everyone's sake!  
You better watch out, you better say goodbye,  
You better not doubt me and I'm telling you why:  
The Coffee Man is coming to town.  
  
  
Down By The Alley  
(Up On The Housetop)  
  
Down by the alley  
Wufei screams,  
Being chased by psychotic peeps  
Down past the gift shop  
with lots of toys,  
Runnin' from the little ones  
Girls and boys.  
Go, Go, Go!  
Who wouldn't run!  
Go, Go, Go!  
Who wouldn't run!  
Down by the alley  
click, click, click,  
Your tranq gun is wasted  
Try giving them a kick.  
  
First comes the laughing  
Then come the screams,  
Oh, dear Duo's  
Coffee crazy scheme  
To cause lots of chaos  
Destruction and stuff  
That's his goal, yes  
And it's gonna be rough  
Go, Go, Go!  
Who wouldn't run!  
Go, Go, Go!  
Who wouldn't run!  
Down by the alley  
click, click, click,  
Your tranq gun is wasted  
Try giving them a kick.  
  
  
Run For Your Life  
(Feliz Navidad)  
  
Oh, run for your life!  
Oh, run for your life!  
Oh, run for your life!  
Your life, your sanity, oh bitter strife!  
  
I wanna warn you of the Evil Coffee  
I wanna warn you of the Evil Coffee  
I wanna warn you of the Evil Coffee  
But sorry, I'm too busy running, we must part  
  
  
Hark! The Braidboy's Footsteps Sound  
(Hark! The Herald Angels Sing)  
  
Hark! The braidboy's footsteps sound  
Smiles twist into frowns  
Peace on earth is now a dream  
How to escape remains unseen  
Joy no longer fills the air  
Only fear and dispair  
With the arrival of the coffee  
Everyone runs for the exit  
Hark! The braidboy is now here  
Another holiday passed in fear  
  
  
Silent Night  
(Silent Night)  
  
Silent night, holiday night;  
All is calm, all is bright,  
Don't drink anything, anything at all  
A single drop can cause your fall  
Sleep with one eye open, watching for the coffee freak  
  
Silent night, holiday night;   
Quatre quakes at the sight,  
Drunken guests dance on the floor  
Drank some coffee, now drinkin' some more  
Another million in damage again, another million in damage  
  
Silent night, holiday night;   
God of Death, hidden from light;  
Laughing hysterically, sanity lost  
All remorse is painted and false  
The party's over, and everyone gone. But the next holiday ensures more  
  
  
Away In The Shack  
(Away In The Manger)  
  
Away in his shack, piled high with his junk,  
The devious Duo plans his plans drunk.  
The stars in the bright sky looked down where he sat,   
The braidboy Duo grinning like a cat  
  
The alarm of the colony sounds, everyone's awake  
Duo's hiding somewhere, video tapes he makes.   
Controlled by his coffee, Duo does harm  
Why don't we move and go live on a farm  
  
  
We Wish You A Merry Christmas  
(We Wish You A Merry Christmas)  
  
We wish you a Merry Christmas,  
We wish you a Merry Christmas,  
We wish you a Merry Christmas,  
And a Happy New Year!  
  
We bid you luck in escaping,  
We bid you luck in escaping,  
We bid you luck in escaping,  
From Duo's coffee craze  
  
Good tidings to you, and all of your kin,  
Good health and sanity, and a Happy New Year!  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Kiriska: Good night; and insanity to all. ^_^ 


End file.
